Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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