I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
