Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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