If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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