So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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