how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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