he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
