I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
