just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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