so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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