I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
