made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
