Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
