then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
