grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
