No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
