is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
