Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
