It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
