mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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