It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
