i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
