I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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