Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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