We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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