i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
