I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
