Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
