YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
