I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
