I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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