i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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