I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
