There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
