I wanna bring you to show and tell
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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