it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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