you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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