so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
