I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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