i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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