so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
