This girl is more easily done than said...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize