I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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