Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
