my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
