I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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