; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
