i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
