Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
