john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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