If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
