she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
