Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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