Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
