Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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