drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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