She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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